To all that are reading this, if you expect some light and fluffy piece about what fall fashion Koko and I have been wearing or what sheets I just brought, turn away now because this isn't about that.
What is it about is the deep depression that I've been in for the last two weeks, so deep that getting out of bed is the ultimate struggle. As you all know I have been battling depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, which with the help of therapy and medication I can typically handle.
However, graduate school took an awful turn in regards to my internship, one which I felt that I was not learning anyway. My passion is school social work, which my placement was in but I was not under a social worker but a guidance counselor. Being the person I am, I tried to make the best of it and it just didn't work.
I was dismissed from my placement which was based on untrue statements about my behavior, things that honestly made me feel my character was attacked. I tried to fight back in a professional way but it didn't work. It was my university's decision to side with all of this and state that I have to complete my two year program in three years instead.
Currently. I am trying to pick up the pieces, make a new plan and then move on from this mess.
I am lucky that regardless of any issues Koko's father and I may have, he is understanding of this and has been able to help out with her care in the moments I can't due to this.
What I do know for sure is that I refuse to stay at the university, a place that I was apprehensive about returning due to peers, but did for the betterment of childcare and parental connection for my child. This was a decision that any parent would make especially because there were pros for my child and myself which outweighed the cons.
I thought that was enough to handle two years without sleep, buried in papers, and connecting with my child via phone due to childcare. I am not a very religious person but this is what I can see as a plan from God.
I am going to lick my wounds, find a different Master's of Social Work program to attend, and never look back. One of the good things to come from this is, this time next year I will be back home (Washington D.C area) with my friends and family (most of my friends in Salisbury now will be back there too) and in a program I'm sure will have supportive faculty and staff.
This of course means I have to make my third move in three years.
Wish me luck everyone. I will be back to doing fun, happy post as soon as I can.